I drove past that gym every day on my way home from the morning school run. It was big, gleaming. I knew inside would be deliciously cool and well-supplied.
Every day I thought about going in and checking it out. But who has time to work out, I thought. I imagined having to spend hours there every day, leaving dripping with sweat, having to shower, being starved after and having to make myself food…and then eat it… What a bother! And I wouldn’t get to my desk until noon!
But then I would remember with fondness times I’d been fit, when exercise was just part of my life. Remember how great it felt to put on my sneakers and just run – feet pounding and springing off the pavement, lungs gulping fresh air, heart pumping valiantly, head clearing. It felt so good to be in my skin then, so energetic and alive. Maybe if I built up my fitness in the gym, I could start running again….
“Why not?” I said to myself and pulled into the gym parking lot.
Thus began an enduring love affair with fitness. (I have tried to break up with it, but it never lasts. I feel too bereft). Funnily enough, I wasn’t wrong about the “bad” parts that had given me pause. I did spend hours; I did drip with sweat, etc. But it was great! The clarity, energy, and vitality I felt more than made up for the time investment. I was more productive than ever.
Clear a Little Space
Have you ever felt stuck like that – pulled towards something by desire while also blocked from it by resistance – and unable to move?
When I look back on my life, I see that “Why not?” has often been what breaks the impasse between desire and resistance. “Why not” invites curiosity in and clears a little space for experimentation.
A little space is usually all you need to start changing your life.
Here are two more examples of “Why Not?”-powered small moves leading to big improvements:
Napping with my toddler and reading in the middle of the day. These were supposed to be the best days of my life, but I mostly felt breathless and harried. There was always something to prepare, tidy, or clean, and no time for myself.
One day, I realized that the chores were endless. Another would pop up to replace the one just completed. There was no finish line. So, I surrendered.
I was already reading to my daughter after lunch, an activity that made us both sleepy. On this day, I said, “Why not?” and gave in and slept with her. I woke up before she did but felt so cozy – and so (finally!) detached from the chores that were waiting for me – that instead of getting up, I picked up my book and read until she woke. It was heaven.
The experience was its own reward, but the bonus was that I was a different woman that afternoon – one I liked better. So, I kept this new habit until my son was born about a year and a half later.
Now, whenever I feel that my life has gotten too full and chores-y, I take up reading in the middle of the day again to lighten up and remind myself that there’s always time for me.
Creating the Be the Heroine coaching program. I did Wayfinder Master Coach Training in 2021. We had a project, which was to create the business of our dreams. Talk about high stakes!
Fear of not getting it perfect paralyzed me, until I remembered that I already had a business I loved. I really had nothing to lose. “Why not” go for it? Why not fly my freak flag and bring everything I loved under one tent: my favorite novel and my beloved clients?
It was so fun having all the puzzle pieces on the table and figuring how they fit together. In the end, I removed the novel but kept the essence of it: the heroine + books. Almost overnight, this “Why not?” coaching program transformed my practice. Be the Heroine is the joyful heart of my business.
Instead of having to present arguments for action, “Why not?” allows action to unfold unpredictably along a path of curiosity. Rather than demanding justification, it invites experimentation.
The next time you find yourself ping-ponging between attraction and trepidation, oppressed by responsibilities, or paralyzed by perfectionism, “Why not?” can give you just enough room to take one small step toward your desire.
