There you are, with a group of people you admire – colleagues or a social gathering – and you have an idea. But the thought of saying it out loud makes your stomach drop and mouth go dry. As soon as you’re asked your opinion, all thoughts fly out of your head and are replaced by a ringing in your ears. You stumble over your words, and – helplessly, heartbreakingly – speak incoherently, too long, and lose everyone’s attention.
You’ve tried over-preparing – studying up, rehearsing what you might say. Being overqualified, racking up degrees and certifications. Fake-it-till-you-make-it overconfidence. Perfectionism. Giving up and trying to be satisfied staying in the background.
These efforts are fine as far as they go. But they’re not solutions, because they don’t get to the heart of the problem: looking to others for permission and approval. When you source these outside yourself, you split your attention. This confuses everyone – you and them – and leaves you incoherent and them looking away.