This is a photo of my home.
It’s a ranch in California.
I don’t live there yet! It isn’t mine at this moment.
I also admit that the horses and barn are aspirational.
But that land – dry, scrubby, fragrant chaparral – and the ocean – cold, vast – just over those hills are essential.
California. Really? The modest, practical Nebraskan (MPN) in me objects. California of the wildfires? And droughts? Earthquakes? And insanely expensive? That California?
My heart replies with impressions and memories: a year and a half ago, I visited this ranch for the first time, and I was filled with peace and the clear thought, “I want this.” Six months ago, I revisited it, and tears came to my eyes, longing filled my heart, and I thought, “I want this.”
But why? the MPN insists. Where you live now is lovely! What is so great about California that you would discount the risks?
It is at this point that my courage – from the French for heart, coeur – flags. It is too tender to stand up to the scolding finger of “good sense” that demands reasons. What proof would satisfy it? And thus, the dream does not become a plan, but instead recedes into fantasy.
Has this ever happened to you, too?
I finally noticed this pattern in my life and have a plan to disrupt it. Let’s break the deadlock and get our heads on the side of our hearts – working for, no longer against, our deep desire.
Step One: Calm the Head
That scolding inner voice sounded sure of herself as she demanded good reasons for pursuing what I want. But when I listen with more curiosity, what I hear is not confidence but fear. She’s afraid for me and is trying to protect me – from risk, effort, hardship. She’s not sure I’m up for the challenge – isn’t even sure what the challenge entails – and in the absence of certainty, she’d rather I conserve my energy and not try at all.
Though it asks for reasoning, this is actually not state of mind that would be satisfied with them. What it needs is calming.
Here is how:
- Sit upright with your body and head fully supported, so you can relax your body completely. Rest your feet on the floor or ground and your hands in your lap.
- Relax your muscles from the top of your head down to the soles of your feet.
- Imagine your whole torso is a bellows, drawing in air (inhaling) through your nose to a count of 8, and then expelling the air (exhaling) through your mouth to a count of 10.
- Set a timer and do this for 10 minutes.
This combination of deep breathing and muscular relaxation will trigger your body’s parasympathetic, “rest and digest,” nervous system – in other words, calm.
Step Two: Strengthen the Heart
If the heart quails at the demands of the head, strengthen the heart.
Once you’re calm (you have activated your parasympathetic nervous system), feed and exercise your heart by finding the feeling of your heart’s desire.
Here’s how:
- After you’ve spent time in calm, call to mind your heart’s desire.
- Imagine it so vividly that it’s as if you’re really experiencing it right now. What do you see? Smell? Hear? Touch? Taste? Feel in your body – what internal physical sensations do you notice? What in your body feels light, expanded, big, warm? What positive emotions are you experiencing? What does joy feel like? Peace? Happiness? Contentment?
- Set a timer and do this for 10 minutes.
Your brain is in a black box (your skull). It has no direct experience of the world. So, to it, there is no difference between real and vividly imagined. By vividly imagining your heart’s desire so that you feel it in your body, your brain believes it is really happening. If your brain believes it is real, it will be known and thus not so scary. Your brain will stop of objecting and be on board.
Experiencing the feeling of having what it desires is also both food and exercise for the heart. It will strengthen your intention.
Repeat this 20-min practice of calming the head and strengthening the heart once or twice daily.
Head and Heart Working Together
As of this writing, I have been doing this practice for just one week, but I already feel dramatically more optimistic about my dream. I no longer feel confused by or sheepish about it. In fact, it feels inevitable.
Because of that feeling of inevitability, new “good reasons” have occurred to me for pursuing it! Plans, which totally eluded me before, have also begun opening in my mind.
My head and my heart are no longer at odds but working together to lead me home.
